Understanding Emotions: Building Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence — the ability to identify, understand and manage emotions — is one of the strongest predictors of success and happiness. And it's teachable.

Children aren't born knowing how to identify feelings. They experience big, overwhelming emotions without the vocabulary to express them. Your job is to be their emotional translator.

Start by naming emotions. When your child is upset, say: 'It looks like you're feeling frustrated.' This does two things: it validates their feeling and teaches them the word for it.

Use a feelings chart. Post a simple chart with faces and emotion words somewhere visible. Refer to it daily: 'Point to how you're feeling right now.'

Read books about emotions. Children's books are brilliant for exploring feelings in a safe, indirect way. Characters experience emotions and model how to handle them.

Name your own feelings. 'I'm feeling a bit frustrated right now, so I'm going to take a deep breath.' This models emotional regulation and normalises all feelings.

Ask about the body, not just the mind. 'Where do you feel the worry in your body?' helps children connect physical sensations with emotions. This is a foundation of mindfulness.

Avoid dismissing feelings. 'Don't be silly' or 'There's nothing to be upset about' teaches children that their feelings are wrong. Instead, try: 'I can see you're upset. That's okay. I'm here.'

Teach that all feelings are okay. There are no bad feelings — only feelings. What matters is how we act on them. 'It's okay to feel angry. It's not okay to hit.'

Practice during calm moments. Don't wait for a meltdown to teach emotional skills. Practice breathing, naming feelings and problem-solving when everyone is calm.